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Browse Topics > Friendship CATEGORIES 
Are you in a difficult situation with your friends. Not sure how to handle it? Is it your best friends special birthday, but you’re not sure what to buy them? Check in with other members to get their suggestions.
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Me need friend OK
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My family and I rented a house at the beach for a week. A friend asked if they could come down. I hope he is not planning on staying overnight as there is no room. How do I tactfully tell him this?
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My child is getting married and i am only allowed a certain amount of guests. Is it ok if I invite some friends to the shower that are not invited to the wedding?
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We found this article in Women s Day:
10 Things Never to Say to a Single Mom

Regardless of your marital status, motherhood is hard. But single moms just may have it tougher, though not for the reason you’d think: Too often, they face tough questions and judgment just because they lack a spouse. Don’t want to be one of the people making life more difficult for these women? Then avoid saying the following 10 things to a husbandless mother—plus, check out the below advice from experts and single moms in the trenches on how to rephrase questions if you just have to ask.
“It must be so hard to date.”
“No kidding,” says single mom *Lorie. “Dating isn’t exactly a walk in the park—even though I’m always there with my three-year-old daughter!” As any single woman can attest, dating isn’t easy, but a single mom has more obstacles—like finding time and babysitters for dates—when it comes to finding Mr. Right. Rachel Sarah, author of Single Mom Seeking, says being concerned about your single mom friend’s dating life isn’t a bad thing, but it’s better to offer help than to comment on how tough it is. Sarah suggests trying to play matchmaker—does your husband have any sweet single guy friends? “Or offer to come over one night (with some wine) and work on an online dating profile together,” recommends Sarah.
“How do you afford being a single parent?”
The answer? With a job, most likely. “I almost fell over when my neighbor asked how I can afford a nice townhouse and SUV as a single mom,” says working mom *Lorraine. And she’s not the only one doing the 9-to-5 thing. Recent census numbers show that half of all custodial single mothers work full-time year-round. That number jumps to 80% when you factor in part-time working single moms with custody. “How a woman spends her own income after her children’s needs are met shouldn’t come under scrutiny,” says Carolyn Edgar, a New York City lawyer, writer and single mom. “In fact, the vast majority of single mothers are kicking butt in the workforce and don’t receive government assistance.” No matter how a single mom pays for her expenses, inquiring for specifics on how she does it is over the line. You wouldn’t ask how a multi-income family affords their lifestyle, right?
“You must have unorthodox views on parenting.”
Not necessarily. A Women at NBCU study found that 55% of single moms agreed to the statement, “I consider myself to be a very traditional mom.” *Kayla, a single mom to a toddler daughter, couldn’t agree more. “I’m a nurse and my child attends day care, like all of my married mom friends. As for the weekends, you can find me at mommy-and-me class and grocery shopping.” Kayla says you wouldn’t be able to pick her out as a single mom in a lineup at the playground. So just because a woman’s parenting solo doesn’t mean she’s doing anything markedly different from a mom-and-dad duo.
“Where’s his babydaddy?”
“Babydaddy” is a word that makes single mom *Donna cringe. “People assume because I’m young that I’m wrapped up in drama, but it’s just the opposite. My son’s father and I aren’t together, but his dad is active physically and financially.” Even if the dad isn’t involved, questions about a child’s biological father fall strictly into the mind-your-own-business category, says Leah Klungness, PhD, author of The Complete Single Mother and co-founder of SingleMommyhood.com. “If you have to ask, that means this single mom has chosen not to share information about that man with you.” Follow the mom’s lead: If she brings up her child’s father in conversation, then maybe she’ll satisfy your curiosity. If it doesn’t come up, it’s because she doesn’t want it to—and you should respect that.
“Children need fathers for male role models.”
A father isn’t the only type of man who can serve as a role model for a child. Between grandparents, uncles, friends, teachers and hey, maybe even the mother’s boyfriend, a single mom’s child likely has a positive male role model in his life. “My older brother coaches my son’s baseball team,” notes *Joy, a single mom. Even without a male father figure, research shows it’s the quality of the relationship that the child has with the participating parent that matters the most—just look at how far Barack Obama came as the child of a single mother. Joy agrees; “My son has no relationship with his father, but we’re like peas and carrots.”
“Where’s your child?”
“When it came up that I was a single mom, a woman at the bar asked, ‘Wait, where’s your kid now?’” says *Jenny. It was 11 PM on a Friday night, so she was taken aback by this question. “He’s home sleeping and his grandmother is watching him,” Jenny snapped. And this wasn’t the first time Jenny was out without her child that someone speculated about his whereabouts. “It’s rude to ask a single mom where her child is if she’s out enjoying the evening,” explains Dr. Klungness. “When any type of sound parent steps out for adult fun, it means they’ve made arrangements for their child. End of story.”
“I don’t know how you do it!”
This is often meant as a compliment, but it can sound more like an insult when put this way. “It makes it seem like raising my son is a chore,” says Mareesa Hernandez, a single mom to a four-year-old in Cliffside Park, NJ. “I would never ask a married mom how she does it because I think motherhood is hard but also rewarding.” Instead of asking a single mom how she manages, say something that shows you admire her. “Tell me I’m doing a good job! Or that my son is well-mannered and that must be a reflection of me. We appreciate your thoughtful pats on the back—not so much your questions and stunned faces.”
“Do you use child support money for yourself?”
In general, single moms don’t use child support dollars on getting their hair and nails done. “Courts award child support to help take care of a child’s needs—and both parents’ incomes are taken into account to determine how much a parent has to pay,” explains Edgar. “Not that it’s anyone’s business, but a better question would be, ‘Does his father contribute to supporting your child?’” If you don’t have the audacity to ask your best friend what her checking account balance is, you shouldn’t ask a single mom about child support—a personal legal matter.
“Let me know if you ever need a sitter.”
Yes, a single mom could use a sitter! However, MommaSaid.net blogger Jen Singer says asking in such a flip way can send the wrong message. “An open-ended offer of babysitting might be misconstrued as ‘You obviously can’t do it on your own.’” Singer suggests proposing something more specific. “Say, ‘I’m free Saturday morning if you want me to watch the kids.’ Then it feels like a favor that any mom would offer another, single or not.” Or ask to swap babysitting duties—it says you need time off, too, and you consider your single mom friend a peer, not a charity case.
“Are you so scared you’ll accidentally get pregnant again?”
Guess what? Some single moms are single by choice—their pregnancies were planned. “After a single-by-choice mom becomes a mother for the first time, ‘scared’ isn’t the word that comes to mind about the prospect of having another baby,” says Mikki Morrissette, founder of ChoiceMoms.org. “The more appropriate question is, ‘Would you welcome the chance to have a second?’” As for single moms who got pregnant unexpectedly, they tend to be more serious about birth control. Still, some might want more kids and have the courage to do so alone because they’re thriving as single mom.
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Can you say anything you want to your best friend? See the below article from Women’s Day Magazine. Don’t forget to add your comments!

You can say anything to your best friend, right? Well, yes and no. Your close relationship gives you lots of leeway, but there’s a fine line between honest and insulting. While you may think you’ve never said anything offensive to your BFF, there have likely been times that your words have inadvertently stung. Saying something as simple as, “Hey, have you lost weight?” could elicit a different reaction than you expected, thanks to its loaded meaning, says Jill Melton, communication expert and author of The Power of the Zip. Read on for nine things you should never say to your best friend, plus learn better ways to get your point across.
“Don’t you want children?”
Sure, there are obviously offensive comments you wouldn’t make to childless friends, like what a pal once told Helen*: “Good thing you never had kids—you can hardly take care of yourself!” But even the mild-sounding “Don’t you want children?” makes assumptions about what’s going on in another person’s head and life, says Melton. What if your friend desperately wants kids but is struggling with infertility? Or what if she doesn’t want to be a mother but would rather avoid an awkward conversation about her decision? When it comes to discussing kids, let your friend take the lead. “If she wants to discuss her choice, she’ll bring it up herself,” says Melton.

“You’ve lost weight!”
“Weight is a dirty word—period,” says Lillian Glass, PhD, body language expert and author of The Body Language Advantage. Even if you’re trying to give a compliment, this statement can confuse, or even insult, your friend. What if she lost weight because she’s been depressed? Or perhaps she didn’t think she’d lost any weight and now worries that you thought she was overweight before. If you suspect that your friend has slimmed down, just say, “You look wonderful!” advises Dr. Glass. Who knows––she could look great thanks to a fabulous haircut or new outfit; there’s no need to make assumptions about what changed. That said, if a friend has dropped an alarming amount of weight and you’re worried about her health, bring it up in a way that conveys your concern, says Melton. Try, “I’ve noticed you’re looking thinner lately. Is something going on that you want to talk about?”
“That guy you’re dating? Not marriage material!”
Lisa*’s friend asked her opinion about a new beau, and she gave him the thumbs-down—with friendship-fizzling results. “My pal ended up marrying the guy, and now she’s distant,” says Lisa. “I thought I was being a good friend by pointing out the facts, but I should have listened to my dad’s reminder, ‘Everyone chooses their own sweetheart,’ and kept my mouth shut.” If your friend’s guy seems like a bad choice to you––but she hasn’t asked your opinion––keep your judgments to yourself. Aside from having hard evidence about serious stuff (like he has a wife and kids in another city, or is a drug dealer, for example), you really don’t know if he’s “wrong” for her. If she does ask what you think, “turn it back to her,” suggests Melton. Try: “I don’t know him as well as you do. Tell me what you like and don’t like about him.” Then you can base what you say on her response, so your thoughts don’t seem out of the blue.
“You bought what?!”
If your best friend constantly complains about tough financial times and then shows up with a trendy designer bag, it can be tempting to call her out on her spending. But a judgment-riddled “are you kidding me?! What did that cost?” is decidedly the wrong thing to say because “you’re not in charge of her budget. She is,” says Melton. Consider, too, that you may not know where her money’s coming from, says Dr. Glass: “What if she’s spending a gift from someone else?” So if you notice something brand-spanking new and expensive, just say, “Wow, cool boots,” or “What a great new car.” That said, if she asks you for help managing her money (or to borrow some of yours), gently point out ways she can trim her costs or try these other ideas for balancing friends and finances.
“Congrats on a well-deserved promotion! You’ve been in that position for so long.”
What’s the problem with a congratulatory remark? A lot if it’s actually a backhanded compliment. The above implies that your friend didn’t quite earn the promotion. Instead of suggesting that anyone in her (worn) shoes would have gotten a bump at work, try a hearty, “Good for you! Very impressive!” suggests Melton. And if your friend suspects that she, say, got that promotion because she’d been in that job so long it would’ve been embarrassing not to, leave the door open for her to discuss that with you. You should be a sounding board for your friend, not a sniper.
“How dare you not tell me [you bought a new car/got a new job/met a new guy]!”
On the one hand, says Dr. Glass, “It’s reasonable to feel slighted if your good friend doesn’t share news with you.” It’s expressing your anger over being left out that’s a no-no. “Some friends don’t keep you posted on everything for reasons that have nothing to do with you,” says Melton. Saying something like this makes the situation all about you feeling excluded, not about what’s happening in your friend’s life. When you do hear your pal’s good news, just tell her, “I’m so happy for you.” If this happens often and you worry that your friend is keeping updates from you, open up a discussion about it. Could it be you haven’t been that enthusiastic about her news in the past, or have shared her info with others without her permission? See what you could do differently before scolding her for not filling you in.
“I wish my husband were as great as yours!”
Why wouldn’t it be wonderful to hear you’ve scored big in the life-partner department? Because the friend who says this is subtly (or not so subtly) downgrading her own spouse, which can be awkward for the person on the other side of the conversation. “A friend said that to me about my husband when she was going through a divorce,” says Shelly.* Feeling uncomfortable and unwilling to bash her friend’s spouse, Shelly’s taken to responding with, “Yep, he’s a good guy,” and changing the subject. While occasional compliments are completely fine, avoid making comparisons: “They reveal jealousy,” says Dr. Glass. If you’re having problems with your partner you can certainly ask your happily married buddy for advice, adds Melton. “But since every relationship is unique, a comparison isn’t a good way to start that conversation.”
“Your wedding was so tiny!” or “You’re so much bigger than I was when I was pregnant!”
What may seem like a harmless observation to you can actually come across as a cruel comparison. Anna’s* friend once said, “It was good you got married first; now I know what I don’t want at my wedding!” Anna was floored. Before you say something like that, examine your motives for wanting to do so, suggests Melton. Anna’s friend, for example, may have wanted planning advice, and she could have told Anna what she loved about her wedding instead of cutting down her friend’s choices. “Try to figure out what exactly your friend’s wedding [or pregnancy] triggered in you,” says Melton. Are you having second thoughts about some of your wedding choices? Worrying about how much weight you’ve gained by your second trimester? Once you uncover what’s at the root of your observations, you can express your feelings without sounding snarky.
“Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”
Shelly still feels the sting of friends’ trite platitudes when her mother was terminally ill, because of course things weren’t fine. In situations like this, your friend might be worried for good reason, so saying “don’t worry” is dismissive, explains Melton. Instead, use your judgment based on the situation. In some cases saying “it’ll be fine” in a loving, sincere way can show your compassion, says Dr. Glass. But much of the time, it’s better to use words that show your friend that you feel her pain, that you’re pulling for her and that you may not know what it’s like to, say, lose your mother, but you’re in her corner as she goes through the worst of it. A simple, “I’m here if you need me” goes a long way, especially if you follow that up with concrete ways to help her through her rough time, whether that’s picking up her kids from soccer, bringing over dinner or just sharing some wine and company.

Thanks Womens Day Magazine

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A close friend often asks me to buy raffles, magazines, candy etc. as a fund raiser for her children’s school. Sometimes the funds are used for trips or uniforms. I think the parents should pay for these things and not ask people to buy things. I feel obligated to buy all the time. To make matters worse, I don’t ask people to buy thing for my children. I would like to know a polite way to refuse.
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I was invited to a 50th birthday party and the invitation said ’No Gifts’. I still want to bring something because I really don’t feel right about going to the party empty handed. Is there anything wrong with bringing a small token gift? What are your thoughts?
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When telling a friend about a problem are we venting or looking for answers. I say listen and don’t offer advice unless asked.
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How do you handle a friend who had too much to drink. Should you comment that you think she is getting out of control and maybe even sick? It is a touchy situation, do you let them learn a lesson the hard way or help a friend out to avoid problems.
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A friend of mine was very insulted at the fact that another friend was texting her teenager daughter while they were out to dinner. In this case I felt it was acceptable because she was waiting to make sure her daughter arrived safely. I also feel that just texting at dinner is rude. It depends on the situation. We almost got into a spat over texting etiquette. What does everyone else think?
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